The Buffy X-mas Special
by Miss Fifer
Summary: Um. You don't even want to know. I think I was hopped up on koolaide when I wrote this. It's all in the title.


xmasspecial

WC: I don't own the characters, blah blah blah... have fun ^_^.

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The Buffy X- mas Special

*It's Christmas Eve. After the kids have died down you walk over to your TV and turn it on. The credits from "A Snoopy Christmas" end. The announcer's voice comes on.*

Announcer: Stay in your seats, people! The Buffy Christmas special is about to begin!

*You are excited by the mere mentioning of the name "Buffy." You are glued to your seat as you wait in anticipation. Finally, the show arrives. It is set in a warm living room with flufffy couches and a fireplace.*

Buffy: Yes, most of the time my show is filled with demons, vampires, sex, evilness, and romance. But that doesn't mean I can't have a good 'ol family Christmas special! Which this isn't. I mean it's a Christmas special... but...

Spike: Lock up your daughters and send the kiddies to bed!

Buffy: That pretty much sums it up. But please, join me for my festive little commercial-free special!

*The theme song rolls. It's like a scary Jingle Bells.*

Buffy: Welcome back. Now to begin, I would like to introduce my friends. This is Spike.

Spike: 'Ello.

Buffy: Xander.

Xander: Suuuure beats sleeping outside...

Buffy: Willow.

Willow: I'm not even Christian! I'm Jewish-Wicca!

You: What an odd combination....

Buffy: That means nothing. You don't have to be. You just need a tree and a credit card. Anywho. There's Giles, Tara, Anya, blah blah blah. You know who they are.

Giles: Oh a good American Christmas. Joy!

Buffy: We will also have many other special surprise guests!

Willow: *psst* Buffy....

Buffy: WHAT??? Can't you see that I'm trying to run a show here???

Willow: It's not a surprise now.

Buffy: Aw, hell.

Spike: *gets out a bottle* Egg nog, anyone? *drinks some when no one wants any.* Just the right ammount of some good 'ol *hic* al-kie-hol... needs something tho.... *goes over to Tara and slits her wrist. Spike screams in pain (his chip) as blood pours into the egg nog.* There we go.

*Tara faints and Willow runs to her.*

Willow: Tara!

Tara: Tell.. Miss Kitty.. fantastico.... I.. love... her. *dies*

Willow: You killed Tara! Bastard!  
Spike: Sorry. You never were a good lesbian anyway.

Buffy: I AM TRYING TO DO A SHOW HERE! *calms down* Ahem. Now it's time for sone of our special guests....Mr. Frank Sinatra and Sid Vicious!

*They enter*

Spike: Sid Vicious rocks!

Xander: Isn't Sinatra dead?

Giles: This _is_ Sunnydale...

Buffy: What will you be singing today?

Sinatra: My Way, my dear. Hey if I was 50 years younger and not dead...

Buffy: Get to it...

Anya: It isn't even a Christmas song.

Spike: SHHH! Sid Vicious! My hero!

*They start to sing. Vicious is all loud and Sinatra is all... not.*

Spike: This is the life. *hic* Egg nog, Sid Vicious... *kisses Buffy* And my girl by my side...

Buffy: *shoves Spike away* Ew get off!

Spike: Oh but I am...

Buffy: Huh?

*Spike kisses Buffy again. She struggles at first, then doesn't. They jump behind the couch and.. stuff. Sinatra and Sid Vicious are done.*

Willow: Buffy, you need to host.. *pause* Um, well... thank you for perfroming...

Sinatra: Where'd the hot chick go?

Xander: She's busy.

Sid: Come on man, we still have to hit the Bronze.

*Sid and Sinatra leave.*

Willow: Well.. I guess, uh, since Buffy is... Busy... we will be your hosts....

*You, bored, switch channels.*

Sailor Moon: They're gunna kill us all!

*A bomb drops on Tokyo*

You: A-all-right!

*The screen goes blank. You switch back to the WB. Everyone but Buffy and Spike (who are "busy") is holding hands and singing "Silent Night."*

Xander: *sniffle* That was beautiful.

Willow: (to an exec) Wha? Oh. We have another guest. Straight from Charlie's house, SNOOPY!

*Snoopy comes in, smokin' some mary jane and wearing a do-rag.*

Snoopy: YO!

Anya: Snoopy doesn't talk! He just... thinks.

Snoopy: I do now.

Xander: Look, look! I can do the Snoopy Dance! *does the Snoopy Dance*

Snoopy: That't *puff puff* Great, kid. *looks over at Anya* Hey baby, wanna be my bitch?

Anya: EXCUSE ME???

Snoopy: I need more people in my... entourage.

Anya: You're what?

Snoopy: Come with me...

*Snoopy leaves. Anya follows.*

Xander: *yells after them* THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND! ANYA!!!! ANYA??? Anya? Aw damn, lost another one.

Willow: Aw, too bad.

*All of a sudden, Xander and Willow jump all over each other.*

Giles: Dear God, it's an orgy. I'm out of here.

*Giles leaves. No one is left to host the show... You fall asleep from boredom. When you wake up, it is early morning. Everyone on TV wakes up, too.*

Buffy: It's Christmas morning!

Willow: YAY! I've never had Christmas before!

Xander: I want to unrwap a present!

Spike: *looks at Buffy enticingly* Me too...

Buffy: Not now, Spike. It's Christmas morning and means all of the brats are probaly up waiting to open presents. Why else do you think they aired this at two in the morning?

Xander: *opens a present* A life! What I always wanted! *holds up a box that says "Instant Life."*

Willow: I got.... *opens present* A bible. Ooh. What an I gunna do with that, use it for firewood? Or toilet paper?

Spike: *opens his. a flash of light comes out. It's his soul.* AHHH! *closes the lid* I don't want this. Not my size. You need to return it.

Buffy: A STAKE? I got a STAKE???? Who's idea of a joke is this?

*The camera zooms out to Giles.*

Giles: Well that was our Christmas special. I hope you enjoyed it. Goodbye, and remember to, plug-plug, watch our show! Tuesdays on the WB!

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WC: Well, that's it. Short, I know. I thought it would be longer, too. But it works ^_^. Besides I never write short stuff.


End file.
